the prison became my homeNovember 30th, 2022

the thoughts are loud
and it's hard for me to sit still.
just another night
of self-implosion for the thrill.

you know i chose to die upon this hill.
but i'll try and wait till tomorrow
for you...

write a letter to your mother
be sure to tell her that you love her
i dont see myself making it out alive
fabricated futures hold nothing but lies

without a sound,
once again seized by decay
i never found
a compelling reason to stay

forget the hours that i wasted today
i've suffered through countless tomorrows
for you...

"do ya wanna get better?" says another
lie detector before it smothers
me in "you know i really do care about you"
they say it but they wont accept the truth

i left my regret in my arms
honestly, i wasnt trying
if tomorrow never comes
then i'd forgive you for lying
as frustration meanders into my veins
and then i fall...

and gravity saves
my endless headache.
a satisfying end,
my winning escape.

i guess thats just how it goesNovember 21st, 2022

my bedroom is infested with mold
in it, i rot, along with secrets ill hold
till the day this ugly heart is dead and cold.
these past few days have been spent
saying things that ive not even meant.
soaking in my own descent,

just like the toxic streams that wash this land
as im crushed under the weight of my own hands
during vain attempts to crawl away.

this island is a migraine and im blind
the landscape is whats keeping me inside
ill keep it that way till the day that i die
im worried my only friends
are escapism and blends
of caffeine and cigarettes.

a redundant and monotonous waste of time.
a mundane and tiresome gut-punch.
a cavity devoid of everything.
everything but dissociation and dirty socks.

restless againNovember 5th, 2022

the moon tears me apart.
you follow from behind.
the warmth i feel in my heart
is made up of sweet lies.

whisper your words of comfort,
through your fictitious lips.
momentarily,
take away the hurt.

a fabrication of sympathy
the make believe tears you cry.
an apparition of amity
is all that i can call mine.

notional witness
i can count you as a friend.
theres nothing like distraction
when your staring down the end.

just slip under the tangle,
the mess inside my head.
holding you behind my eyes,
you keep me far from death.

tell me your tales of relief
and ill telepath my thanks
your my therapy
the only way I breathe

a fabrication of sympathy
the make believe tears you cry.
an apparition of amity
is all that i can call mine

like imaginary quicksand
but i suffocate all the same
it feels much better to hold your hand
even if its not there to take.

As the world implodesOctober 6th, 2022

its only skin deep
but paint fades.
still, strip malls happen
because the roaches will roam.

keep digging,
keep digging,
keep digging.

heat waves don't mean what you think.
just cash in, cash out.
no rest, no trees, no shade.
you can try your best to seem comfortable.

and you can keep the faith
for as long as its convenient.
but you better get used to the fake fish,
casual comas,
and microwave dinners.

keep digging,
keep digging,
keep digging.
6 feet deep but
just
keep
digging.

Disgust disguised as pity October 4th, 2022

i get all dressed up
just to go out in the rain.
endless spray paint asphyxiation,
so the world might know my name.

yea, i was born to be a loser,
but all the best people are.

right, well, whatever helps you sleep at night, kid.

Chronic Chemical BurnsSeptember 16th, 2022

I'm singing my fears to the window pane.
The ground is still marked by the rain.
And all the sky's bruises that won't ever fade
Are a constant reminder of your pain.

It's foaming, I'm scrubbing, and soaking it in,
Sodium hypochlorite alleviates sin.
A swelling of blisters, but it's only my skin.
They don't know how it burns deep within.

A gash in a canvas where no lines have been drawn.
The sun shatters and fades before dawn.
My thoughts have ceased and in the silence I'm blind.
I won't expect you to love me this time.

Squeaky Clean September 14th, 2022

I like the water pressure high,
Mercilessly pounding against my back,
Marking my skin with loving abrasions.

Soon enough, it'll rip me open,
Exposing my vital organs for all to see.

Tear. Me. Apart.

Let the scalding water invade me
And drip down my ribcage.
Let my guts spill out
And make their way down the drain.
Good riddance.

Wash away the blood, and the pain,
The aches, and the brains.
Let the stains from the fluid
Wash away in the rain.
Clean me off.

Remove flesh from feeling.
Separate body from soul.
Let me be free.
Rid me of what made me,
"Me".